I believe it’s safe to say that men and women are different on some levels when it comes to physical and emotional attraction, how they perceive things, as well as their wants and needs. Having said that...Ladies, do you really know what your man needs from you?
More importantly, has there been a conversation between both of you about what those needs are?
As a Certified Dating and Relationship Coach, I’ve heard just about every complaint from women about not knowing what their man really wants, needs or sometimes that he seems to be sending mixed signals.
So buckle up buttercup, cause here’s the 411 on what your man really needs from you. Of course, you should also know what you need from him. These tips will help you create more connection, clarity and communication in your relationship.
He wants you to be a good listener. After all, you were given two ears and just one mouth. If he’s opening up to you and sharing his feelings or thoughts, be prepared to listen or he may shut down.
If he asks or seems receptive to feedback, by all means do so, but be sure that you’ve actively listened to his point of view and if needed, paraphrase to ensure you understand. Communication without comprehension is futile.
By being there for him and giving him your full attention, you’ll be amazed at just how much he opens up to you about what is going on in his life. Provide a safe space for him to be vulnerable and he’ll feel much more comfortable discussing any issues with you.
Staying true to who you are and not pretending to be someone to please him is what your man really needs. After all, you don’t want him to fall in love with one version of you, only to fall out of love with the true version of you when it comes out.
If you’re not being genuine, he will take that as a sign of you having a hidden agenda or perhaps being somewhat manipulative. That can only cause problems in your relationship and more than likely be the reason it ends.
Appreciation and Trust
Men have very vulnerable egos. I know...not shocking! They want to feel loved and validated. Remember, it’s the little things that count the most. So whether it is that you tell him: “Babes, I appreciate it when you help with the groceries!” or “Thanks for always being so considerate of me when planning date night.”
Remind him of what you love about him and just compliment him every chance you get. Don’t worry about overly boosting his ego. Be sure that you’re being honest with your praises and not just saying them to make him happy.
Also, trust and believe in him unless he has given you reason not to. Don’t let your emotional baggage of having trust issues from your past relationship wreak havoc on your current one.
Be mindful of blaming or attacking him for things that may be solely in your mind, but not actually a reality in your relationship. If he takes great pride in being a responsible driver, then trust him to take the lead in navigating your next road trip. Resist the temptation to be a nagging co-pilot.
When you’re in a relationship, your man should not be the center of your world. Just as you should have friends and family that you spend time with, or more importantly, alone time, give him the space to do the same.
Some alone time is crucial for everyone. It allows you to regroup. Encourage him to hang out with friends or family. He’ll appreciate you for it. Plus, you don’t want him feeling suffocated by you being clingy, needy or overly dependent on him to occupy your time.
Always be mindful that you are responsible for your own happiness and he is there to add to that happiness.
Sex and Affection
Last, but certainly not least, it’s no secret that your man needs sex and physical touch. Love is a verb and that means that action is necessary. Yes, men need sex but they also need non-sexual affection.
Be flirtatious, touch his face, caress him and sometimes gently kiss him just because you can, because you want to and of course because he craves that affection. Keep the passion and spark alive. He desires that physical and emotional connection.
Furthermore, sex is an important way those needs of connection are met. So don’t deprive him of sex as a form of punishment. Your relationship may deteriorate if you don’t make sex a priority.
Your man doesn’t need you to have size D boobs, a whole lot of makeup pasted on your face or a flat stomach. What he does need though is to constantly feel that same attraction to you as he did the first time you met.
So, don’t lounge around the house all day in the same old robe with a bonnet on your head. When you know he’s coming home, put on something sexy or perhaps don’t put on anything. Keep him guessing what to expect next so he’s always intrigued by you.
So there’s the nitty gritty on what your man needs. Knowledge is power! Once you understand him, have open, honest and safe communication and stay true to your authentic self, you can have a long lasting relationship.
Be sure that the man you decide to welcome into your life is one who supports you, loves you as you are, respects you as a woman, acknowledges your thoughts and ideas, adds value to your life, motivates you to achieve your goals and aspirations and overall makes you a happier person. Not just a happy person, because like I said, you are totally responsible for your own happiness, but he adds to that happiness.
Last and most important thing: Be mindful of the fact that just being in a relationship is not sufficient…but rather you deserve to be in a healthy one.